Self discovery: A guide to finding yourself

TOPICS

“To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles … ” (Shakespeare)

I'm setting off on a self-(re)discovery quest. My version is jumping in a sprinter van with my pup, my mountain bike + lots and lots of snacks, and driving west towards the desert for...an uncertain amount of time.

The purpose of a self-rediscovery quest is to come to a new level of union with self, without feeling cluttered and distracted by outside influences.

Why am I rediscovering myself?

Because I feel lost. I got rocked by life, and it's moments like these where it's healthy to pause, reset, and just BE.

Be by myself.

Be with myself.

Be myself.

Some people call it a sabbatical, micro-retirement, funemployment, a walkabout, whatever it is, I think it's an essential part of growth, identity development, and the human experience.

Rest, pause, reflect, wander, get lost, feel lost, and untether yourself from old attachments, beliefs, and identities that no longer serve you.

The lesson here is that when you lose your SELF, which we ALL will do many times in our lives (if we're truly honest with ourselves because it's a sign of growth)...before you can reinvent yourself you need to rediscover yourself.

Wandering is not about "finding yourself."

Wandering is about getting lost in order to get in touch with your inner wisdom so that you can reintegrate with who you really are.

Rediscovery leads to new knowledge of self- the "finding" part.

SELF DISCOVERY PROCESS

First of all, I'm going to create a video diary of sorts to document what this quest feels like. I am a researcher after all. I'll post either during or after the quest, depending on how it goes.

If you want to see and hear my reflections, follow me on instagram.

  • Slowing down

  • Rest

  • Turning off (digital detox)

  • Getting bored

  • Being alone

  • Communing with nature

  • Nature walks and bike rides

  • Painting, sketching, and drawing

  • Being without labels

  • Reading and listening to inspirational texts

  • Meditating

  • Day dreaming

I'm excited and nervous for this identity exploration time.

As my boyfriend keeps reminding me, there was a little boy named Santiago who had to follow his Personal Legend and great things happened.

This moment feels like a gift I'm giving myself. I didn't exactly plan for it to happen. It's come about from a series of events over the past few weeks when one day, I realized I need to drive away and be, and so I am.

QUESTIONS FOR SELF DISCOVERY

  • Now that I know what I know at this point in my life, what do I notice about myself? What's new, different or the same?

  • What parts of me are no longer serving me (because I've outgrown them or they're holding me back)?

  • What parts of me are only now awakening and ripening- ready to come more into my being?

  • What parts of me are untended or neglected that need healing or attention?

  • How can I practice lovingkindness and more self-compassion for all parts of myself and let go of expectations that are not my own?

BOOKS AND RESOURCES TO ENJOY DURING SELF DISCOVERY

People shared amazing resources with me that have helped them in their own self-discovery, so I’m sharing them here:

POETRY

NONFICTION

  • Being and Nothingness by Jean-Paul Sartre

  • Existentialism: From Dostoyevsky to Sartre

  • Hunter S. Thompson’s Letter on Finding Your Purpose and Living a Meaningful Life- Hunter S. Thompson

  • The Body is Not an Apology- Sonya Renee Taylor

  • Radical Compassion- Tara Brach

  • When Things Fall A Part- Pema Chodron

  • Synchronicity

  • A Course in Miracles-

  • The Biology of Belief- Bruce Lipton

  • The Wayfinders: Why ancient Wisdom Matter in the Modern world- Wade Davis

  • Radical Transformational Leadership- Monica Sharma

  • Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on love and life from Dear Sugar by Cheryl Strayed

  • The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down by HAEMIN SUNIM

  • any book by Rebecca Serle

  • Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller

  • Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb

  • How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain by Lisa Feldman Barrett

  • Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived, Joyful Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans

FICTION

  • Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott

  • Nine Perfect Strangers

  • Maybe you should talk to someone- Lori Gottlie

  • The Alchemist- Paolo

  • A Fall of Marigolds- Susan Meissner

  • Where the Crawdads Sing- Delia Owens

  • Finlay Donovan is Killing It- Elle Cosimano

  • Finlay Donovan Knocks Em Dead- Elle Cosimano

  • The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue- V.E. Schwab

  • Nothing To See Here- Kevin Wilson

  • The Stationery Shop- Marjan Kamali

  • The Guest List- Lucy Foley

  • The Lincoln Highway- Amor Towles

  • Playing Big- Tara Mohr

AUDIOBOOKS

  • Gifts of Imperfection- Brene Brown

  • Greenlights- Matthew McConaughey (do yourself a favor and listen to the audiobook--it’s very entertaining)

  • The Maid- Nita Prose

  • Broken Open 

  • Cassandra Speaks- Elizabeth Lesser

PODCASTS

  • Dear Sugar podcast, host Cheryl Strayed

  • The Jealous Curator: Art for Your Ear (and Danielle Krysa's blog, too)

  • Sugar Calling - Margaret Atwood episode and Joy Harjo episode

MUSIC

  • Vancouver Sleep Clinic

  • Fleet Foxes

  • Release, Grace Potter

  • Love is Love, Grace Potter

Dr. Sarabeth Berk Bickerton